Just. Keep. Breathing.

[I’m sure the anatomy is horribly inaccurate, but it’s what I could find in the short time I was inspired!]

It occurred to me this morning that maybe I should stop, slow down, and actually try to enjoy this transition.

I had another tough night yesterday, where my tendency to extrapolate situations lead me feeling out of control, a bit angry and then sad.

I woke up this morning and started my day like I have been for the past few weeks (I won’t indulge you with the details, as they’re neither interesting or show me as terribly productive), but while I was mucking around on the internet, I thought that I really shouldn’t resist this, and, in some ways, I’ve been asking for this time . They say that if you can’t change something, change your mind about it. I figured since I haven’t changed my unemployment situation yet (and, oh! I’ve been trying) I should really see this as a incredible opportunity. When I thought about it some more, I realized that I wouldn’t have had time to rehabilitate my knee properly without the time off, I wouldn’t be part of really cool projects right now, and wouldn’t have time to just…do whatever. The amount of stress I’m putting myself through is unnecessary and I really need to learn how to calm the fuck down and breathe. I also realize how much guilt and pressure I put on myself because of my situation and I realize that it’s just silly, and…that I’m probably the only one (aside from my super traditional Asian mother who worries about everything all the time) who actually thinks there’s an issue. My financial situation isn’t ideal nor fun, and the frustrating part is that I feel stuck without a steady source of income (a girl wants to book her surf trip!), but I’m still getting by and I know that this won’t last forever.  It might last a bit longer than I want it to, but the items on my list will just have to be delayed.  And, well, this is a lesson in patience and (non-religious) faith. Things will unfold as they will. I have no control over what will happen. It’s also an adjustment not being on the go and consistently having a full schedule all the time.

I just need to keep breathing.